Paraskevidekatriaphobia

Paraskevidekatriaphobia

QIC: Zima

Date: 10/13/17

PAX: Thistle (old), Van Gogh, Torque, Bambi (young), BAM, Stats, Starfish, Boo Boo, Roosevelt, Mutton, Root Canal, Lysol, Zima

Intro
Q’ing a beatdown on a day ripe with themes presents a lot of pressure. YHC really wanted to mail it in by creating a simple, non-themed challenge, but felt he would have disappointed the multitudes of PAX who chose not the take the easy way out this morning. There needed to be some reward for those who fought the urge to fartsack or the monotony of simply repeating right-left-right-left for 6.75 miles. However, there was also the option of reaching into the wayback machine and grabbing a classic from the archives. Ironically, a few PAX recently expressed their love of YHC’s baseball themed workout back in January (strangely enough, that was the last time many of those same PAX attended one of YHC’s beatdowns — Hmmm, wait a minute …). Plus, the Baby Bombers created a cause for celebration as they completed an epic comeback versus the flash-in-the-pan Indians two nights ago and Game 1 of the ALCS is tonight. Perfect. Baseball theme it is. But nooo. Not only did my wife call me out for being lazy, but yet more PAX wondered what was in store for Friday the 13th (not like they were even going to show up though). Yikes, the pressure was back on.

So what’s the history of Friday the 13th? Let’s “Bing It On”. Click, click, click, click, click (imagine those are the sound of the computer keys) … And the answer is? Actual first result: “There is no conclusive origin, however many sources indicate some possible origins”. What the $#^&? Thanks for literally nothing, AskJeeves search engine. That’s the epitome of a non-definitive answer. Not acceptable for my esteemed F3 brethern. OK, what’s next? Scroll, scroll, scroll. Oooo. I can fly to HEL on flight 666. Finnair from Copenhagen to Helsinki on AY666. I’m getting sidetracked.

Wait, isn’t there a slasher film about Friday the 13th? Actually, there are 12 of them. Yup, 12. Having not seen the Friday the 13th movies since the 80’s, YHC’s memory of the movies wasn’t very clear. Time to fire up YouTube and the Google machine. Memory slowly coming back. Hockey mask. Machete. Camp Crystal Lake. Jason Voorhees. I can work with this. Tick tock, tick tock. Uh oh, how long have I been watching YouTube clips? Crap, time to start organizing exercises.

Since Crystal Lake(in Winston-Salem) is now an apartment complex and about 5 miles away (wouldn’t that have been the perfect setting though?); and the gallows that hung Peter DeGraff by Smith-Reynolds airport have been lost to history, we’ll just have to make due launching from our normal spot. The unsuspecting victims – err, I mean PAX – began to roll in. When YHC saw more than one other car, the elation was palpable. With the expectation of only about 3-4 PAX posting, we amassed a total of … wait for it … yup, the perfect number … 13. How about that? 13 PAX on Friday the 13th. Today is going to be a good day.

Van Gogh made it clear that this was not Flatline (possibly as a reminder to the Q), so YHC welcomed the victims – err, I mean PAX – to Urban Assault. The church bell chimed and we were off.

Warm-o-rama.
Who cares? It’s just the warmu – what? I have to write down everything we did? Who’s the First F Q? OK. Fine then.

• Jumping Jacks x 13 IC (Starfish was already confused by the blatant disregard for the Exicon)
• Abe Vigodas x 13 IC (YHC got bored and sped these up)
• Imperial Squat Troopers x 13 IC (New crowd pleaser and we were only on the third exercise)
• One-legged Burpees x 13 IC (Seriously?) [Those with mild OCD can do 14]
• Numb Shoulders (CDD x 13 IC , Mountain Climbers x 13 IC , Tempo Merkins x 13 IC)

Is everyone warmed up yet?

Beatdown

Mosey to Salem Funeral & Cremations Parking Lot (A funeral home on Friday the 13th? That’s clever.)

• Werewolf crawl the length of the parking lot (Shockingly similar to bear crawls.)
• Dying Cockroaches x 13 IC (Yes, we can actually do the same exercise two days in a row.)

Mosey to the dimly-lit, not-at-all-sketchy bridge on Liberty Street under Business 40

• Howling Monkey Humpers x 13 (There are some expert howlers in the bunch. Nothing like hearing random howling coming from under a dark bridge in the predawn hours on a spooky day.)

Mosey to corner of Liberty Street and Cemetery Street (Cemetery Street?! Well played Mr. Q, sir. Well played.)

• Jason’s Ladder on Cemetery between Liberty and Main (I see what you did there. Instead of Jacob, you said Jason. Ha ha.)
•      13 WWIIs, 1 Merkin → 1 WWII, 13 Merkins

Mosey to grassy field further up Cemetery Street (Across from the spooky, foggy, gloomy cemetery.)

• Move across the field by repeating 5 Lunges (each leg) and 5 Frog Jumps
• Heels to Heaven x 13 IC (Oh, I get it. Heaven … Cemetery. Good symbolism. Nice of the PAX to notice.)

Mosey to the dimly-lit, not-at-all-sketchy bridge on Liberty Street under Business 40

• Dips x 13 IC (In the “I can’t believe I just heard that” category, it was here that Thistle complained I was going to ruin his soccer arms. I wish I was making that up.)

Mosey to Salem Funeral & Cremations Parking Lot

• Burpees x 13 OYO

Lassie Mosey back to Launch Point.
Mary

• Penguin Crunch x 13 IC
• Low Flutter x 13 IC

Final Scene. Movie over. House lights back on. Popcorn is empty. Juicy Fruits are all gone. Triple XL Pepsi is watered down from the massive amount of ice. Nerves are calming down. Pulse rate returning to normal.

Circle of Trust:

• What is said in COT, stays in COT.

Today’s Q’s Random Musings:

• 13 PAX = Perfect. Couldn’t have planned it better if I tried.
• The Vig didn’t show up to the beatdown that’s basically in his backyard, that Twitter trolling tiny hobgoblin.
• Thistle was mumbling something about cadence during Warm-O-Rama, but much like his wife, children, dogs, the gopher that lives in his backyard, his therapist, co-workers, and the weird neighbor next door, I have quickly learned to tune out his particular frequency.
• Overall, YHC was pretty disappointed in the mumble chatter this morning. There were some Hall of Famers present (Thistle, Root Canal, BAM, Starfish), yet their efforts were subpar. YHC expects you to step up your game next time.
• There was much complaining about YHC using 13 as the maximum number for the exercise on Jason’s Ladder, rather than having the exercises add up to 13. I guess the sets were too easy if the PAX had enough energy to complain.
• Thanks goodness that YHC Omaha’ed the original idea of doing Jason’s Ladder using the entirety of Cemetery Street, rather than just the hill up to Main. There’s a chance we may have finished by 6:15 … on Tuesday.
• In a shocking moment of sanity as we were passing by, YHC came to his senses and did not have the creepy middle-aged PAX do more monkey humpers in front of the McHughes Sisters Flats (the new Salem College dorm). Phew, crisis averted – and the Nantan didn’t have to bail us all out of jail.
• YHC also rejected Van Gogh’s idea of doing derkins on gravestones in Salem Cemetery.
• For all of the DashPAX doctors out there, is Mutton a patient of yours? We need to get this man checked out. I think he might be an actual machine. I’ve never heard him utter a single word during any of my beatdowns, and every time I think I’ve broken him, I turn around and there he is, standing and smiling – not even breaking a sweat. He’s not human. He might be a cyborg. Let’s look into this.
• YHC queued up a cache of ghost stories ready for Palin (Katharine Smith Reynolds, Mary Ellen Smith, the talking corpse at Salem Tavern, the Blum House, the Little Red Man), but he instead chose to sit in a sweat lodge with the Inuits up in Fairbanks to lose another 50 pounds rather than post.
• Torque was prepared to defend us this morning against any Friday the 13th tomfoolery with his gun show. Have you seen his arms lately? He may not use them to go fully down to the ground for merkins, but pregnancy certainly suits him well.
• Stats is on his farewell tour as he is leaving us, but only temporarily if Dr. Toe Tag can work his magic. Thanks for joining us buddy.
• The Nantan is convinced that the driver of a Suburban on Cemetery Street was headless.
• Does anyone else hate the formatting in WordPress?  It’s driving me nuts.

Announcements:

• 10/28 – The Mega in Greensboro. Dash PAX will be hosting a pain station.
• Burlap is transitioning 1st F responsibilities to BAM. BAM doesn’t know what 1st F responsibilities are. Based on the recent incidents of the past week (double Q no shows on Wednesday, multiple WIB locations on Thursday), the Nantan has made Burlap the sacrificial lamb. Burlap says he is stepping down to spend more time with his family.
• Expansion: 10/28 (stlouis@f3nation.com, austin@f3nation.com), chicago@f3nation.com going strong.
• Root Canal says Swiss Miss has a birthday.
• Thistle will mess up the cadence at Flatline during his Q on Tuesday.
• Ultimate Frisburpee tomorrow at I.S. Last one of the year.
• F3 beer run on 11/19 at 3pm. Location is TBD.

Prayers:

• Thistle’s youngest son deploys on Tuesday for the Middle East.
• Bourbon Chase and PM2HR teams.

Sorry Toe Tag, since you weren’t there, we ditched the keys in God’s Acre.
Zima out.