Three’s a Crowd

QIC: Zima

Date: 5/24/18

PAX: Offsides, Van Pelt (WD), Zima (QIC and WB)

Three’s a Crowd

The 24th of May in the year 2018

Those present included: His Highness, Duke Offsides IV; Lord Van Pelt, the Seventh of his name and Workout Daddy for the day; and a crappy failed 1990’s malternative beverage, Zima, the gullible Q and Workout Baby.

Our Story Begins …

It’s all about location, gentlemen.  Just through the simple act of changing the launch point of this WIB as compared to my last WIB Q, I was able to increase the number of attending PAX by 100%.  That’s pretty darn impressive.

Warm-o-rama.

• Nah.  No time for that.  Let’s just get this party started.

Beatdown.

1. Run up the hill to nowhere.  Do Burpees.
2. Run down the hill from nowhere to intersection and do Heels to Heaven.
3. Run to lamp post in parking lot and do Deep Lunges.
4. Run along path to pavilion and do Box Jumps.
5. Run to curve in parking lot and do Hand Release Merkins.
6. Run back to intersection and do Elbow Peter Parkers (I need a better name for this exercise).

—– Repeato —–

Mary.

• Straight Leg Crunches until time ran out.  Not sure on the number.  The Q made a feeble attempt at cadence.  Offsides was just making up random numbers in response at random times whenever he felt like it and Van Pelt had enough of the tomfoolery so he gave the Q the silent treatment.

We were in danger of burning too many calories, so we chose to end the pain.

Today’s Q’s Random Musings:

• The getting-old-and-boring stunt of Site Qs not attending Zima-led beatdowns continues.  At least we didn’t have to suffer through any more of Thistle’s lame, repetitive Arbor Acres jokes.  Maybe he’s so old (how old is he?), that he can’t remember he’s already made the same joke about 78 times already.  Coincidentally, can I correctly assume that Pita and Wobegon have some upcoming vacations planned in June?
• At Mean Mr. Burlap’s WIB, we had to INCREASE the number of reps per lap.  Today’s Q was much kinder and suggested to the PAX that we DECREASE the reps each time.  That’s how you please a crowd.
• There was almost NO mumble chatter today.  The very respectful PAX were way too dignified and classy to stoop to a level so low.
• The braintrust present today realized that the ‘W’ in ‘WIB’ certainly does not stand for wise.
• Van Pelt’s pacing was expertly spot on.  That dude had us rolling into the finish line pretty darn close to 6:15.
• Thank the lord that I didn’t have to go mano a mano with Cherry Pie again at WIB.  I probably would have tapped out, taken my recording device, and went home. No mas.  Non merci. I’m not suffering through that special brand of hell ever again.
• The Brookberry stretch limo must have gotten stuck in traffic.  
• I can only hypothesize that THE Pony Express’s route to the AO was hindered by Cobra’s new high tech Homeland Security measures installed on Muddy Creek Greenway.  #JusticeforJelly
• You know it’s going to be a light crowd when multiple (yes, more than 1 and way more than 2) people contacted me last night with pre-arranged excuses about why they couldn’t come to the beatdown in the morning.  Well played sirs. That took some creative prior planning.
• Seriously thank you to the two strong dudes who joined me this morning.  You guys were an inspiration and almost made the workout enjoyable…. almost.

Announcements:

• Splash is kicking Leukemia’s ass, but he’s still collecting donations.  So close to his goal. Contact him for more details about how to give.
• Some little event called Schmedfest will happen on August 25.  We should probably start talking about that.
• Memorial Day convergence on Monday.  The Estate, Run N Gun, and The Outhouse will all converge at The Outhouse AO (Leinbach Park) at 7:00 am.  VI will still launch as usual at 5:30 (double down opportunity).  Mongoose will do whatever the hell Mongoose wants to do with #SpeedTarp.  See Van Gogh for Murph possibilities.

Prayers:

• Offsides shared true words of wisdom as he took us out this morning.

Thanks for the keys, Thistle.  I left them with the orderly who was teaching your Silver Sneakers class at Arbor Acres.

Zima out.