Burlap’s Fitness Test at Purgatory

Burlap’s Fitness Test at Purgatory

QIC: Burlap

Date: 09 June 2018

PAX: Former FNG Chicken Crossing the Road (CCR -- WD), Crazy Uncle Gary, TroyBilt, Spamalot, Ripple, Splash, Mongoose, Plunger, Bulldog, BAM, Ziggy Stardust, Roosevelt, Total Recall, Tuco, I-Beam, D-Day, Parkay (WB), Burlap (QIC)

Pax:  Former FNG Chicken Crossing the Road (CCR — WD), Crazy Uncle Gary, TroyBilt, Spamalot, Ripple, Splash, Mongoose, Plunger, Bulldog, BAM, Ziggy Stardust, Roosevelt, Total Recall, Tuco, I-Beam, D-Day, Parkay (WB), Burlap (QIC)

YHC decided to run a fitness check and researched a few things online including military fitness tests.  Those wouldn’t work well for the diverse Pax of Purgatory.  He recalled a fitness test brought to Hanes Park and Impossible Situation by Zoolander in 2014.  The contents of this test may be online somewhere, but YHC didn’t know how to find it and was too lazy to e-mail Zoolander.  Rather, YHC decided to create his own to ensure naming rights and all the benefits and royalties that come with them.  The final product is pretty well knocked off of Zoolander’s test based on my memory, but is designed for the Purgatory AO.

My guess is that Pax would finish in range of 35 to 45 minutes — Actual was 28 to 40 minutes, I believe.  Here is the test content:

Burlap’s FITNESS Test
Two lap run
25 burpees
25 WWII sit-ups
Sprint across field and jog back
25 lunges each leg
25 Merkins
Suicide to far doubles line each 3 courts
25 plankjacks
25 goblet squats with weights
Sprint across field and jog back
25 Russian Twists each side
25 Nolan Ryans each side
Bear crawl 40 yards and jog back
25 jump Squats
25 Merkins
Suicide repeat
25 low dolleys
25 Mike Tysons
Run around exterior of tennis courts CCW
25 WWII sit-ups
25 burpees
One fast lap

After a very brief and light warm-up in the parking lot and some SSHs at the playground, we went over the test.  YHC purposefully had four studs — Mongoose, Plunger, Ripple, and Splash — run around to the rock pile and each get a large, 25-pound-ish rock and bring to the playground.  YHC already had a 25 lb kettlebell there, and we used them for the weighted squats only.  YHC picked those dudes to help wear them out and bring their times back to the pax.  YHC should have picked TR too, but he arrived late — better than not showing for his own AO.

After the test, we lined up and swung the rocks from Pax to Pax peleton style to move them back to the quarry and then returned to the parking lot for about 4 minutes of Mary.   Fin.

COT

• Spamalot has Q at Outhouse on Monday.
• Shmedfest is Aug 25 and there will be a Shmedlympics that day.  Also, drink at WiseMan Brewery each Tuesday in August, as that establishment will donate funds to Shmedfest which sends all of its donations to Crisis Control Ministries.
• Splash finished his fundraising for LLS and $44,885 was his final total.  Great job, Splash; we are proud of you.
• YHC took us out after waiting on the good natured, but absolutely false, jokes about Splash’s and Plunger’s fundraising to die down.

NMM

• CCR is TroyBilt’s grandfather and was introduced well by TroyBilt.  We landed on two facts: a chicken farmer who has traveled to all 50 states, thus Chicken Crossing the Road (CCR).
• At coffeeteria, Splash and Mongoose noted that we could have done the majority of the workout on the opposite side of the field in the cooler shade, something that dawned on YHC during my last lap.  YHC promptly filed that suggestion in the file labeled, “Things Pax suggest that I will ignore”.
• BAM ran in and ran out, from CFA — strong.
• About 22% of the Pax were from Spam’s family and a full 33% were from the end of one small cul-de-sac in west W-S.
• Maybe our highest age range, from CCR at 82 to Parkay at 14.
• Some pax confused their clockwise with their counter-clockwise, or simply ignored the Q.
• YHC didn’t have the mental and physical fortitude to notice a lot of what the pax were doing during the test, but did note that BAM and Total Recall did not cheat themselves on form during exercises like merkins and Mike Tysons.
• Plunger’s mid-life crisis appears to be only a mild case of a red Jeep with the top down.
• Not sure if anyone works harder than Bulldog.
• Ziggy Stardust continues to get stronger each week.
• Roosevelt doesn’t want anyone to know it, but he is a runner.
• D-Day always has a good attitude and smile at some point in the midst of even the most brutal workouts.
• I-Beam went about his business as usual today and knocked the test out.
• T-claps to Parkay who finished the test.  YHC asked him later at home if he did the whole thing, and he replied, “Everything but the bear crawl — I don’t like doing those.”  Still good to see him getting physically and mentally stronger.
• Tuco was wearing his gold F3 W-S shirt proudly today.  YHC thinks he is excitedly looking forward to the next chapter in RVa, but is holding on to his glorious time in W-S, like Pats fans holding on to the hope that TB12 will play well in 2019 — sad.
• The number of reps were somewhat high on certain things but doable.  Bad portions for YHC included both sets of 25 Burpees right before/after the runs, and the 25 Nolan Ryans followed by bear crawl.  25 Mike Tysons were painful, too.

An honor to lead you Jabronis.  Thanks for the opportunity, TR.

Peace,

Burlap