Take That!

Take That!

QIC: Geppetto

Date: 11 April 2019

PAX: Argyle (WD), Turnover, Bueller, TPS, Huckleberry, Burlap, Geppetto (WB and QIC)

[WARNING:  Some of the following may be true.]

Whirly got tired of having no friends due to his insensitive posts on the Twitter, so he decided to take revenge against the world by agreeing to Q and then substituting a younger, fresher, meaner out-of-towner in his stead.  Geppetto agreed to leave his beloved Winston-Salem several months ago for money — that’s right.  He moved to Mooresville for the almighty dollar — they pay their Qs more there than we do in W-S.  But he stays in touch with some of the old guys in Winston, so Whirly nefariously arranged for Geppetto to sneakily substitute Q at TRQ this morning.

We started warm-ups at the crack of 0530 – maybe 30 seconds ahead.  Geppetto wasted no time between exercises.  No mercy was shown with high rep counts and fast cadence.  He even called ISTs and Hillbillies back-to-back.  Who does that?

Then we group moseyed nearly one-quarter mile to the back of the school.  “Get a big rock,” he says.  OK, we do that.  Then we walk up to near the cafeteria wall under the light.  “We are doing 21s,” he says.  Not the Winkelvoss version where you work up to 21 of a couple of exercises but the version where the Q is too lazy to think of exercises or call cadence.  So he makes Turnover call an exercise and we do 21 OH presses with our big rocks in Turnover’s unique cadence — that’s 42 for normal people.  Then we lie down and do 21 flutter kicks in cadence.  Then we continue around the circle of pax decreasing one in number each time until all seven pax had called and counted three different times.  Between each rock exercise we did more flutter kicks to the same number, 21 then 20, then 19, and so on.  For the pax and with the rocks, we did stuff like bent over rows, skull crushers (c’mon, TPS, couldn’t you wait until the number was lower than 19 (x2 = 38)??), squats, curls, supine bench presses, Bus Drivers (again, c’mon TPS!), arm raises,  copperhead squats, rock slides (brilliant), American Hammers (Geppetto laid these on us at number 15), and the little known Greg Louganis (sit-up with rock followed by OH press from seated position).  Oh, we switched from flutterkicks to V-ups from 10 down to 6, and then that sadist Geppetto cheerfully called for Burpees at numbers 5 through 1.

We replaced our rocks at 0602 thinking we were getting toward the end.  Nope, just gettin’ started.

We moseyed to the Tennis Courts, another quarter-mile.  No need to run directly there.  Let’s go the long way around the track.  The Q didn’t even know how to enter the courts; “Where is the entrance?”  “On the far side from here.”  Once there, we did stacking exercises at the four corners with 10 merkins, then 10 merkins plus 10 mountain climbers, then 10 Merkins/10 MCs plus 10 Flutterkicks, then 10M/10MC/10FK/10 Burpees.  It was 0611.  Surely we are going to mosey quickly back to home.  NO; “let’s do some Mary here and by committee because I am too lazy to think of things.”  So 10 plankjacks, stack 10 WWIIs, stack 10 Freddie Mercuries, stack 10 LBCs, or something like that.  At the last stack, Geppetto says, “Balls to the Wall on the fence while you wait for the six!”  And some idiots actually did it!

At 0615, we start to mosey back to the parking lot and finally count off.  Geppetto doesn’t need a recording device because he’s not going to do a backblast – hey, he’s not even from around here!

Prayers for Huckleberry’s son who is having a procedure today and for Bueller’s co-worker who lost a 21-year old son in an auto accident.  At least Geppetto was willing to pray aloud.

Everyone faked smiles and gave half-hearted fist bumps and then walked silently to their cars to head home.  Except for Bueller who had run in about one mile’s distance.  He took off his sweat-soaked shirt and stood under a streetlight.  He meekly held out his arm and wrist, and then struggled to raise his thumb.  No cars stopped.

Somewhere across town, in a well appointed home, in a comfortable bed, Whirly dreamed dreams of large Scandinavian women with blond hair, red lips, and government healthcare.   Even as he slept, a satisfied smile curled on his lips.

THE END