How To Win Friends And …

How To Win Friends And …

QIC: Zima

Date: 1/8/20

PAX: Turnover, The H.O.G., Burns (baby), Voldemort (#Kotters), Tweety Bird, Van Gogh, Red Eye, Burlap (not the youngest), Post Hole, Huckleberry, Spamalot, Drip, Zima (Q)

BURLAP.  BURLAP. BURLAP.  BURLAP. BURLAP. BURLAP.  BURLAP. BURLAP.

“BURLAP ON THE INTER WEBS”

Introduction

The complaining started early, but for a nice change, it wasn’t about my workout…yet.  It was mostly about the hangover from Flatline and cursing Drip for being so honest about his age.  All you had to do was lie, Drip; one simple little white lie. There was also some grumbling about who the Cats and the Big Blue Wrecking Crew hired as the next coaches to ruin the reputations of an expansion and a legendary franchise respectively.  There was also some very disrespectful, if I might add, PAX wondering out loud if everyone present knew that YHC was on Q.

Warm-o-rama.

F3 Mission recited perfectly.  That may or may not have been the case for the 5ish Principles.  Possible #Qfail or maybe a perfectly executed plan to keep the #Spamtan on his toes.

SSH x 15 In Perfect Cadence …. run a little

Whirlies x 15 In Perfect Cadence …. run a little

Spider Merkins x 10 In Perfect Cadence …. run a little

Michael Phelps x 10 In Some Sort of Cadence …. run a little

Copperhead Jump Squats x 10 In Perfect Cadence …. run a little

Beatdown.

Head over to Jamison Park and attack the dark, icy hill to nowhere.  

Even though the majority of the PAX had received an advanced copy of the detailed beatdown instructions (complete with a picture), the Q quickly went through them again (although not quite clearly enough as there was apparently still some confusion, #Qfail).  There are 5 stations, each with a weighted exercise and a non-weigthed one. IF you have the rock, do Exercise A; ELSE, do Exercise B. On each lap up the hill, move your rock (and not anyone else’s) up one station.

Station One (Bottom): Manmakers x 10, Hand Release Mike Tysons x 10

Station Two (300 feet up): Rock Curls x 25, Lt. Dans x 10

Station Three (550 feet up): Rock Thrusters x 25, WMDs x 15

Station Four (750 feet up): Overhead Press x 25, Mountain Climbers x 50

Station Five (Top of Hill, 900 feet up): Rock Squats x 25

Lap 1:

• Station 1 – Manmakers, Carry rock to Station 2
• Station 2 – Rock Curls, Leave rock, run back to start

Lap 2:

• Station 1 – Hand Release Mike Tysons, Run to Station 2
• Station 2 – Rock Curls, Carry rock to Station 3
• Station 3 – Rock Thrusters, Leave rock, run back to start

Lap 3:

• Station 1 – Hand Release Mike Tysons, Run to Station 2
• Station 2 – Lt. Dans, Run to Station 3
• Station 3 – Rock Thrusters, Carry rock to Station 4
• Station 4 – Overhead Press, Leave rock, run back to start

Lap 4:

• Station 1 – Hand Release Mike Tysons, Run to Station 2
• Station 2 – Lt. Dans, Run to Station 3
• Station 3 – WMDs, Run to Station 4
• Station 4 – Overhead Press, Carry rock to Station 5
• Station 5 – Rock Squats, Leave rock, run back to start

Lap 5:

• Station 1 – Hand Release Mike Tysons, Run to Station 2

****** At 6:02 am, do 41 Star Burpees with a Clap

• Station 2 – Lt. Dans, Run to Station 3
• Station 3 – WMDs, Run to Station 4
• Station 4 – Mountain Climbers, Run to Station 5
• Station 5 – Rock Squats. Carry rock to Station 4

Lap 6:

• Station 4 – Overhead Press, Run to Station 3
• Station 3 – Rock Thrusters, Run to Station 2
• Station 2 – Rock Curls, Run to Station 1
• Station 1 – Manmakers.

Since time was at a premium, after the burpees were completed, the PAX ran straight to the top of the hill to retrieve the rocks and then directly back down to return the rocks to their home.

At Van Gogh’s suggestion, the PAX did Hand Release Mike Tysons while waiting on the Six.  Seriously, it was VG’s suggestion. Dammit VG, has this not been hard enough already?

Mary.

• Box cutters x 10 IC (for some of the PAX, at least)

Finished.

Thoughts / MC:

• I really want to try this workout again on a non-icy day and starting at Jamison Park.  I think if we eliminate the run from and back to the school, and are able to run up and down the hill without the fear of breaking our necks, we can probably complete the entire workout.  It might also help if there’s a bit more light. Who’s with me?
• Ever wonder why Spam has more friends than Zima does?  Neither have I, but it can’t possibly have anything to do with the taste of their respective namesake menu items.  When the Spamtan throws a birthday party, he rents out a brewery, pays for everyone’s food and drink, hires a DJ/magician, and soulfully serenades the guests.  He even allows his freeloading neighbor to partake in the festivities. When YHC throws a party, he makes his guests risk life and limb by running up a dimly-lit, icy, switchback hill that doesn’t go anywhere, carrying heavy cold wet rocks on a sub-freezing morning.  He even text-shames his neighbor into posting. Hmm, some things are still a mystery to me.
• The Q had pre-selected a variety of rocks in order to challenge the PAX, hopefully elevating them slightly out of their comfort zones.  If you’re going to get up on a dark and cold January morning before dawn to workout outdoors, you might as well make it worth your while.  The #Qfail was underestimating the number of attendees, so a few people had to chip extra rocks out of the icy runoff stream. Slight #TimeWaster.  Where’s Mongoose when you need him? Does he even do bootcamps anymore? Has he not paid his Uber bill, Red Eye?
• Since YHC “wasted” time looking for a new rock and didn’t relay the instructions in a manner that was clear enough for some of the PAX (i.e. some exercise skipping occurred), YHC ended up serving as the Six for a good majority of the workout and thereby missed most of the mumble chatter.  Now that I think of it, it was probably for the best. Would the loving PAX have shared their kind sentiments directly to my face? #Cobains 
• For future reference, by decree of the the F3 Winston-Salem Nantan, all workout diagrams must have accurate elevation measurements.
• In the Department of “You Can’t Win Them All”, the Q tried to alert the PAX about the one teensy tiny miniscule (read: long) icy patch on the hill.  By running on the grass to the downhill side of the curve, the PAX should be able to avoid certain rock-related medical accidents. Well, a certain fiscally-conscious PAX, in particular, was more concerned about the spec of mud that jumped up on his shoe from running off-the-path, than he was about the potential harm to his finely-tuned body.  Comments were heard about who was collectible for his shoe cleaning bill (Did I use that correctly, Mr. Spamalot?). Can’t win for trying to save the guy from injury.
• In the Department of “Bad Ideas”, the Q thought the number of reps was excessive (by only Station #2) and wanted to Omaha.  However, since the rest of the PAX were so far ahead and had already completed the exercises, he thought it would have been extremely poor form to decrease the reps for himself AFTER everyone else had already done them.  But the thought was seriously entertained.
• Stealing someone else’s rock is cheating!!!!  But it did give me an idea to use for another workout.
• The 6:02 surprise (41 Star Jump with a Clap at the Top Burpees) was a big hit with everyone.  On an unrelated note, you can’t put anything past The H.O.G. That guy is a sharp one.

Announcements:

• Burns has 3 Qs in a row, starting with WIB, continuing with Urban Assault, and ending with Impossible Situation.  WIB will be at Thruway (because it’s selfishly closer to Burns’s homestead).
• The H.O.G. has the Q at Purgatory.  It’s his birthday. He’s bringing party favors (actual things you want).  On an unrelated note, Burns wants to know if anyone wants to Q I.S. for him on Saturday.
• Huckleberry is literally the only one who is excited about his Mayhem Q next week.  Anyone want to carpool over to BnW? Turnabout is fair play, Huck!
• Turnover is begging other people to step up and Q at Mayhem.
• The Google Calendar looks like Swiss Cheese.  Step up and choose a workout to lead! Hey, it’s one of those core principles.

Prayers:

• Soldiers on deployment.

Mic drop.  Zima out.