It’s Lambchop’s Party and He’ll Cry If He Wants To

It’s Lambchop’s Party and He’ll Cry If He Wants To

QIC: Zima

Date: 2/10/2020

PAX: Lambchop (birthday boy, WB), Turnover, Huckleberry, Greenspan, Bevo, Van Gogh, Zima (WD, Q)

Introduction.

You would cry too if … you did what we did.

What a crappy birthday party! Lambchop, you need some better friends.  What about, “Let’s meet in a dark parking lot to torture your body in a deserted park at an ungodly hour of the morning in freezing cold weather to celebrate your birthday” made you want to venture to a place that you, admittedly, have never been to before?  On top of that, some angry little man threatened your manhood because of the size of your kettlebell, ordered you to Bear Crawl (and exercise you detest), and then demanded you do a ridiculously stupid number of repititions of less-than-easy exercises. And … look at the presents these so-called-friends brought.  Banged up kettlebells and chipped cinder blocks. No wonder you returned them faster than the day after Christmas rush at Macy’s. Man, I hope your real friends throw you a way cooler party.

On another note, it was a seriously STRONG group that attended this morning.  I mean, every single person was in #BeastMode. Speed and strength were combined with fantastic form.  I’m not even being facetious. Seriously. Pretty freaking amazing.

Here’s what we did.

Beatdown.

Some kind of warmup.  I think Bevo was less than enthused at the small number of exercises performed.  What can I say? We had real work to do. Much to Turnover’s pleasure, we did not celebrate Lambchop’s 29th birthday with 29 warmup Burpees.  Just 5 to get the blood flowing.

As we made our way to the tennis courts, the lights went off.  Perfect. No matter. We had work to do.

YHC informed the PAX that the goal was to continue each exercise until Lambchop started crying.  Disturbingly, the PAX were honestly unsure if YHC was kidding or not. For the record, I was. It was only a joke.  I did feel (sort of) bad when I saw the fear on BabyFace.

The real goal was to pair up exercises on the far ends of the tennis court.  Do the first exercise on Side A 40 times, use the mode of transportation to get to the other side, and then do the second exercise on Side B 10 times.  Decrease Side A by 10 reps and increase Side B by 10 reps. The total reps always equals 50. Slow recovery mosey around the court fence line if finished before the six.  Move onto the next pairing. Easy peasy. Go.

Mumble Chatter:

• The most shocking thing about this entire workout was the lack of comments from the boys.  Sure, there were a few words sprinkled here and there, but it was a strangely quiet bunch. Mostly grunts and telepathic harmful thoughts directed towards the Q.  Nothing out of the ordinary. There is a greater than even chance that I was simply not listening, but I don’t think I heard a single word from Greenspan or Huckleberry.  Need I be worried?
• Next time we do this, Van Gogh needs to use not one, but two 75 lb kettlebells, ankle weights, a weighted vest, and a chain around his neck.  Maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to keep up with him then.
• A couple of crazies put in some EC miles before the workout.  This is getting a little out of hand gentlemen.
• Lambchop is looking to recycle this workout and Q it in 29 years to see how another newly-minted 29 year old does with it.  Somebody wheel me out of the nursing home so I can watch the show. And dammit, where’s Thistle when I want to make an old man in a retirement village joke??
• Everyone made it through 2 rounds of Low Dollies and 1 of Burpees to end the workout.  Although, while the rest of the PAX only did 10 Burpees, it was rumored that Huck did all 100 in the same amount of time.
• An unnamed PAX was attempting to play the Happy Birthday song using flatulence as the instrument of choice.  It might have been in response to Turnover’s critique of the Q not providing music.
• “I’m going to call you Daddy from now on.”  – Lambchop to Zima. Ummm???!?!?! I promised him that wouldn’t make the backblast.  Oops. I lied.
• Exactly one PAX (and no, it wasn’t the Q) wants to redo this workout for an hour long session so we can finish the last set of exercises.

Announcements.

• Van Gogh has the Q at Flatline on Tuesday.
• Turnover has the Q at WIB on Thursday.
• Wiseman.  Wednesday.  6:00. Lambchop is launching a new group called Echelon.  As described by the Workout Baby this morning, “It’s a young professionals group of uhhh, young professionals.”  Can’t get more clear than that. Let’s just say that YHC missed the cut. Not sure if it was the ‘young’ or the ‘professional’ part though.

Prayers. 

• A fellow member of our PAX might be EHing his brand spanking new FNG.  More information to come. Keep the family in your thoughts.
• Bevo stepped up to bring us out with encouraging and thoughtful words.

Zima out.