A Workout Group for Small Men

A Workout Group for Small Men

QIC: Zima

Date: 3/3/20

PAX: Palin, The H.O.G. (WB), Turnover, Huckleberry, Van Gogh, Faberge (DR from Boone), Greenspan, Tommy Boy, Spicoli (WD), Zima (Q for the week)

Beatdown.

PARKING GARAGE

BLIMPS, with one exercise at each level

Burpees x 5 OYO

Lunges x 10 DC OYO

Imperial Storm Troopers x 15 IC (I’m not kidding, the PAX requested that these be done in cadence.  And much like a certain Ukranian phone call, it was PERFECT.)

Mountain Climbers x 20 DC OYO

Plank Jacks x 25 OYO

Squats x 30 OYO

And … head back down to base level.  Do SSHs while the Q explains what’s next.  YHC announced that this was an old favorite that exactly nobody asked for.

Modified “THE ZIMA” (Note: YHC did not choose the eponymous title for the exercise routine.  It was bestowed by Pita. Remember that guy?) Anyway, instead of using lots of light poles on Town Run Lane, we used relatively few parking garage levels.

Start at Level 1: WWII x 5

Run to Level 2: Burpees x 20

Back to Level 1: WWII x 10

Run to Level 3: Burpees x 15

Back to Level 1: WWII x 15

Run to Level 4: Burpees x 10

Back to Level 1: WWII x 20

Run to Level 5: Burpees x 5

Mountain Climbers or go back for the six.  Some crazy fools went through a complete extra set.

Obviously we all marveled at the fact that Huck finished his first 20 burpees before most of the rest of the PAX even reached double digits.  Not sure he even broke a sweat during this sequence. Then he effortlessly glided by, almost mocking our struggles. However, Van Gogh was on a mission to beat him to the finish line.  Now, YHC was a least an entire set behind these guys by the end, so I have no idea what transpired on the upper levels of the parking deck, but at some point, VG came streaking down the ramps ahead of Mr. Huckleberry.  Given that Huck seemed to have a black eye, a busted nose, missing two fingers, and a noticeable limp in the left leg, YHC is forced to wonder how exactly VG passed him on those desolate upper parking deck levels. Maybe the honorable H.O.G. can shed some light on the situation because he was closely on the leaders’ heels, displaying that All American speed.  Greenspan tried to hang back with YHC for a bit, but finally cut me loose like dead weight as he was then free to fly up the ramps and catch the leaders. All that I heard Turnover say was something about his love for WWIIs and burpees. Given that he does so many of them, he’s a true expert. He better make a wise choice about where he posts tomorrow. Don’t believe Spicoli’s hogwash about his tiny boo boo or whatever malady he’s faking now.  The man showed no signs of an “injury” or “recovery” as the burpees did not pose a problem for the other half of the #HeadbandBrothers. Faberge easily handled our faux elevation since it compared not to the mountains of Boone. I’m not sure the smile ever left his face. Palin was the true hero of the morning. He chose not to engage in the silly contests of manhood, but instead went with the “Eff It” attitude and focused on near perfect form.  Speed be damned. He was going to finish every rep of every exercise in perfect form at his own speed. Let the boys have their racing fun, but by golly, he was going to finish and everyone was going to wait for him. Spoiler alert. We waited (… or went back and got him). Tommy Boy smartly saw the shenanigans taking place and paced himself with Palin, rather than join in on the tomfoolery.

Since we needed to keep up the intensity, we ran as far and as high as we could … until we almost got wet.  We wouldn’t want that to happen, now would we. At the highest dry level, we began the next area of fun. YHC again made the same announcement that this was another old favorite that definitely nobody asked for.

Combos at each I-Beam (somewhere between 8-10 per level) going downhill

Level 6: Pullup / Jump Squat / Merkin  x 1

Level 5: Pullup / Jump Squat / Merkin  x 2

Level 4: Pullup / Jump Squat / Merkin  x 3

To absolutely not a single person’s surprise, Van Gogh DOMINATED this portion of the workout.  There was talk of something called a Spartan Race (?) maybe – I think it happens in Greece – that he should check out.  Might be up his alley. Spicoli hung with him (pun intended) through all three levels (see comment above about the non-existent injury), but then sheepishly admitted during COT that it wasn’t that hard to keep pace when you skip all of the pullups.  Apparently, that’s a rounding error. The rest of us just slowly walked between I-Beams, took unacceptable Flatline breaks in the action, heavily modified every exercise, and cursed out the Q (YHC included).

At this point, it was either the self-pity or the lack of usable muscle fiber that caused the Q lead the PAX back to the main level for some easy Mary.

Mary.

In-N-Outs x 15 IC

Low Flutters x 15 IC

Regular Crunches x 15 IC

Low Dollies x 12 IC

Quitting Time.

NMM:

• Lots of discussion about the EXACT wording of the F3 Mission Statement.  I’m just throwing this out there, but I don’t think it has anything to do with “small men”.  Go ahead Spicoli, check it out online. Nor did the word, “engorge”, ever come out of the Q’s mouth.  But hey, it makes a good story.
• Faberge (named in the Dash, but spends his time in Boone) appreciated the workout so much, he became quite confused during COT and forgot his hospital name.  No, not his F3 name, his hospital name. Either he actually forgot it or he’s in the Witness Protection Program and it’s just a cover.

Announcements:

• Spread the word.  Check your email. Read the flyer.  There is a convergence on Saturday, March 7 at Jamison Park.  Everyone seems a bit too excited that Whirly is co-Q’ing. YHC isn’t sure how to take that.  I was also cautioned against “killing anyone” and told that “we want people to come back”. What are you people trying to say?
• The H.O.G. is rebelling against #ZimaWeek2020 and promoting his own Qs tomorrow at Conspiracy and Thursday at TRQ.
• Because someone actually asked (probably in order to avoid the workouts), here’s the schedule for the rest of #ZimaWeek2020:
  • Wednesday: Bells N Whistles
  • Thursday: WIB (Calvary)
  • Friday: Urban Assault
  • Friday: Lunch Bunch (TBD)
  • Saturday: EC Run launching from Jamison Park
  • Saturday: Convergence (Jamison Park)
  • Sunday: Murph (TBD; but let’s be honest, we all know where it’ll be)
  • Sunday: Ruck
  • Monday: The Estate

Prayers:

• Faberge’s co-worker’s family member who is Baptist.
• The Burns family (Mrs. Burns, Brooks, and Noah)
• The newest Eskimo and Mama Bear Palin
• Those who struggle with addiction
• Baby Honey Badger

Zima out.