This Hurts Me More Than You
QIC: Zima
Date: 10/14/2020
PAX: Mutton, Huckleberry, The H.O.G., Lamb Chop, Razzie, Zima (Q)
Warmarama.
- a mishmash of perfectly cadenced exercises
At this point in our morning, young Mr. Lamb Chop was bestowed with great power. Presented with three options as to the site of the actual beatdown, he consensually – and under his own volition – chose to send the innocent PAX over to the mountainous behemoth known as Pilot View rather than the flat tundra confined by the Hanes Park running track or the relatively less inclined Intimidator hill. Let me repeat that. Lamb Chop willingly chose Pilot View. There are witnesses.
Off we went, cursing the lad and wondering if the years of Millennial living in his parents’ basement were rotting his cognitive abilities. Mutton was quietly disavowing all evidence of an actual blood relationship between the two. Razzie was pissed none of the other #Conspiracy regulars showed up and I swear I heard him wonder out loud if he could make it over to #Mayhem. Huckleberry asked for the keys to my truck so he could go wait in it with the heat on. Only The H.O.G. seemed excited and we all know that something isn’t right with that boy. Keep in mind, we had only finished up a superb warmarama and hadn’t even started the real beatdown yet.
On the mosey over to Pilot View, I had to perform some quick mental Q gymnastics and reformulate the workout because although I knew the choices I would present to Lamb Chop, never in my wildest ale-fueled dreams, did I imagine he would voluntarily choose Pilot View. I had assumed we’d be over by the track, but you know what happens when you ass-u-me. So as not to keep you in suspense, the workout turned out quite nicely, if I do say so myself.
Beatdown.
Here’s how the beatdown went down downtown up then down Pilot View.
The group performed a set of 10 Burpees at each intersection then proceeded to the next intersection and Heels to Heaven’ed for the six.
There was definitely a trade-off between form and speed today because there was a “penalty” for being the five or the six. As always, the Q implored the PAX to use proper form on the exercises, but the thrill of speed was too much for some to handle. The question to be answered was … “Who felt the brunt of the penalty? The one who doled it out or the one who received it?”
Penalty
-
- If you were the five, with a heavy heart you had to pick one of your brothers to do ONE extra Burpee next round.
- If you were the six, with a heavy heart you had to pick one of your brothers to do TWO extra Burpees next round.
- Note: The same person could not have penalty Burpees levied upon them on back-to-back rounds.
West End Boulevard: Regular Burpees
Carolina Avenue: Hand Release Burpees
Jersey Avenue: HR, Donkey Kick Burpees
Summit Street: HR, Prison Cell (Mountain Climber), DK Burpees
Broad Street: HR, PC, DK, Knee Tuck Burpees
Summit Street: HR, PC, DK, KT, Side Jump Burpees
Jersey Avenue: HR, PC, DK, KT, 180° SJ Burpees
Carolina Avenue: Double Merkin, HR, PC, DK, KT, 180° SJ Burpees
West End Boulevard: DM, HR, Rollover after each Merkin, PC, DK, KT, 180° SJ Burpees
Carolina Avenue: DM, HR, RO, PC, DK, KT, 180° SJ, Top Clap Burpees
Intimidator (AMRAP): DM, HR plus Clap, RO, PC, DK, KT, 180° SJ, TC Burpees
FINISHED.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
- Drip did not post and likely fartsacked.
NAKED MAN MOLESKIN:
- The hand releases allowed a brief moment of rest. Some PAX interpreted the word, “brief”, more liberally than others.
- Double rollovers plus 180° jumps almost led to some unfortunate accidents on the not-at-all flat surfaces of Pilot View. Honestly, I only heard the screams of the other PAX as I was too dizzy to actually pay attention to anyone else. Just ask H.O.G., who I almost took out on more than one occasion with my not-so-well-balanced rollovers.
- Who voluntarily chooses to run up Pilot View?
- It was not fun to dole out the penalty burpees to one of your brothers. A few of the kinder PAX even tried to jump on the grenade themselves. But no. Mean Mr. Q would not allow that. The penalty was that you have to choose punishment for someone else. Pay attention to the rules!
- Absolutely in no way related to the above bullet point, where was Palin this morning? Man, I wish Palin had posted to his favorite AO. And Cherry Pie too? That rascal. Aren’t those guys stalwarts of Conspiracy? I mean Drip, I get … kind of, but don’t even get me started on Glazer. Does that dude workout anymore? Did we leave the parking lot too early for Spicoli? Did Picnic Basket not wake up Boo Boo in time? Where were all these regulars that I’ve heard so much about. Where were all of my long lost friends who I never get to see anymore? Is that the true Conspiracy? At least the Site Q and the first family of Heating, Cooling, and Plumbing didn’t leave the Alamo undefended against the Mayhem invasion.
- I will type the next sentence in all caps. IT TOOK UNTIL AT LEAST STATION EIGHT, MAYBE NINE, BEFORE HUCK WAS THE SIX FOR BURPEES. We threw everything we had at him – penalty burpees, his kryptonite of running up insane hills, comments on form, trying to mess with his count. If that didn’t work, next up were cinder blocks on his feet and a weight vest.
- In other news, I don’t recall The H.O.G. ever being the six. There might be something to that nickname.
- Lamb Chop was never far behind the lead, if not in the lead. Either those P.E.D.s are really paying off or the Common Core math that he probably learned when he was in 5th grade last week taught him to count by 3s.
- Someone please figure out a way to drain Mutton’s engine. He might have not been in the lead on every single round, but there was no fatigue on the man’s face. Not only was his cadence steady and unwavering the entire time, but he VOLUNTEERED for penalty burpees. Who does that? Was the original beatdown not hard enough.
- I chose not to call out Razzie in the heat of battle, but he calmly figured out a way to game the system this morning. Clearly only feigning tiredness, he smoothly and strategically picked his finishing order so as not to arouse attention and be given too many penalty burpees. I could see him adjust his speed right before each intersection with obvious fake stumbling to finish in the safety of the group, then complete the charade by placing his hands on his knees and acting out the appropriate level of shortness of breath. Unfortunately, he foiled his own plan by also volunteering for penalty burpees.
- Lamb Chop requested another special birthday beatdown. He knows it’s on a Tuesday, but is unsure of the actual date. That’s our Lamb Chop. He’s special.
PRAYERS.
- Drip had a successful surgery. TMI alert: Prayers for his boys. Wait, boys plural? How many sons does he have? Oh ….., nevermind. Heal up brother.
- Prayers up for $5. Let’s do what we can to support him. Bring him beers, go for walks with him, toilet paper his house for Halloween.
Zima Out.
