In Search of Perfect Form

In Search of Perfect Form

QIC: Rudolph

Date: 8.22.2023

PAX: Adobe, Subfloor, Boomerang, Schneider

This was going to take place next week, but unfortunately Starfish had an activation of gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia all at the same time.  #prayersup.  Actually he quite smartly asked for the swap given his post-fever status, and since I’m not travelling until tomorrow, why not (feel better Starfish….I read you had a 104 fever?  Doctor time…).

Anyways, I’d always wanted to try one of the old Gashouse weinke’s, one created by the awesome Roscoe (Coerte Vorhees), one of the most responsible people I’ve ever met, and was an OG Gashouse bricklayer.  So I pulled it up, and what also caught me is that he’d put a picture of Mr. Perfect with it, as his goal was to teach perfect form.  My family got me a Mr. Perfect t-shirt for fathers day (an old school 80’s wrestler tradition in my house), so let’s do it.  I certainly had to modify for no running.

Boomerang got there first (awesome F3 name), we jabber-jawed until Schneider strode in with his svelte self, and then here come Hekyll and Jekyll, aka Subfloor and Adobe.  5:30 a.m., I start the playlist, which begins with the entrance music of Mr. Perfect.  I said something of an opening, it would not have made Dash-Strong proud.  #substitute.

Warm-up:  my usual; side straddle hop, arm circles, chain breakers, swimmers, whirly with a clap, quickmill, lunge with a twist.  It’s muggy out here…let’s start!

I – Perfect Lunges across the parking lot – we took it sllooooooowwww….slow is smooth, smooth is fast.  That’s the motto of the day.  On the other side we did hummingbird feeders (one-legged deadlifts) very slowly to 10.  Take it back the way we came.  Slow and steady, long stretches of the legs for maximal lunginess.

II – Perfect Merkins – partner up, I demo’d the perfect merkin, then one partner does 20 perfect, while the other partner holds Al Gore and critiques form.  They were supposed to call “no rep” if it wasn’t perfect, but no one did.  YOU COWARDS!!!  Anyways, good stuff.  We did 3 rounds of that.

III – Perfect Burpees – bear crawl just a bit, 5 perfect burpees (with a clap….burpees require a clap in my book), then we duck walked back.  Then we did 5 more perfect burpees.

IV – Perfect WWI’s – one partner holds the feet, the other does a sit-up to where the elbows touch the knees.  Pretty simple…

V – Perfect Squats – we alligator walked across the small stretch (those suck), and then did 25 perfect squats after demo.  Slow and smooth, smooth and fast.  I recollected a time where Subfloor called me out on my form of squats.  I never forget transgressions, Subfloor, and can keep a grudge.  Gorilla walked back.  *note – every type of animal walk I called out it seems like I was doing one thing, and the rest another.  Next time I’ll just demo…

VI – Perfect Dips – about this time we sauntered to the picnic tables, and switched between dips and merkin variations.  This was also the time where Boomerang said that the current song on, Breathe by Prodigy, just sucks!  He didn’t say that when Hank Williams Jr. was on, so maybe I know what he likes now.  Then, Schneider started barking about the horse-flies eating him.  I’m the Q, you will suffer via ear and skin as long as I’ll have you do it!

VII – Perfect Calf-Raises – let’s wind it down by doing 50 calf-raises, then break with hummingbird feeders, then another 25 pigeon toed.  Just chill time…the guys got to be quite the chatty cathy’s here.  But, it’s 6:08 so time for….

VIII – SMOM – let’s see if I remember:

Schneider – Alabama Prom Date

Boomerang – Picklepounder

Subfloor – damn I can’t remember….we had a sex theme going, so maybe it’ll come to me.

Adobe – same, can’t remember.  Assume that’s a good thing.

Rudolph – sprawls (not burpees, sprawls).

TIME.

Announcements – we had one, then I was told to forget it and say nothing.  #confusedQ.  Apparently we are having a Convergence at the Iron Throne on Labor Day, so there is that to look forward to.

Prayers & Cares – pray for the young’uns as they go back to school.

MOLESKIN – a good check-up on all the zany running around and rushing through things we do sometimes at AO’s.  I’ll take 10 perfect merkins over 20 crappy ones all day long.  Back at Painlab at the Gashouse we did a lot of isometrics, and going slow to perfect form of an exercise will always be the maximum benefit.  Starfish made a good call to swap, and it was a pleasure to lead this fine group of 4 men who know they are imperfect, but lean on their brothers to chase perfection.

Rudolph

Playlist for the curious

Mr. Perfect – Entrance Music

Sunless Saturday by Fishbone – Perfect Alt Rock fitness song

Body Talk by Ratt – figured to be the perfect hair metal song fitness song

Super Bad by James Brown – perfect funk song

All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight by Hank Williams Jr. – as I said, the perfect beer drinking song

Shook Ones, Part II by Mobb Deep – perfect hip hop song.  Ain’t no thang as half way crooks….or half way effort!

Aces High by Iron Maiden – perfect substitute song because I like it

Breathe by Prodigy – Boomerang is a super fan

Desperate People – perfect back is Living Colour

Give it to me Baby by Rick James – perfect for our adult moves during Mary, strangely.  Looking at you, Madoff, the funk master.