A Completely Reasonable Beatdown
QIC: Zima
Date: Pi Day, 2024
PAX: Turnover, Van Gogh, Rollback, Drama Queen, THE Pony Express, Boomhauer, Boo Boo, Huckleberry, Crash, Workbench, Zima
TIME WASTERS.
The PAX whined so we wasted a few minutes doing SSHs, Whirlies, Michael Phelps, and Abe Vigodas. What a freaking waste. We probably could have finished another entire round of real exercises if we hadn’t spent time on these ridiculous things that everyone should be doing at home on their own freaking time.
BEATDOWN.
As the required preblast stated, run through the six parking lot lanes of the new Publix (that nobody asked for) in a serpentine fashion.
At one end of the parking lot, always do tuck jump burpees.
At the other end of the parking lot, always do hand release t-merkins, boot heel squats, and leg raises.
Increase the burpee count by 1 at each station.
Increase the exercise count by 5 at each new round (or cycle).
Stations are at the beginning and end of a lane. Notice that two stations will be right next to each other (the end of one lane and the beginning of another). That will lead to back-to-back burpees or exercises.
DONE.
NAKED MAN MOLESKIN.
- MAJOR Q fail for not employing a Pi Day theme. Just plain stupid.
- Most people made it through 2 full rounds and ended on round 3. I’m not even sure Van Gogh and Rollback were in the same parking lot as the rest of the PAX by the end.
- The burpees added up a little too quickly. Yes, that was a point that the egghead math majors brought to the Q’s attention immediately upon completing burpee freaking number one.
- Speaking of math, it stands to reason that if we finished two rounds in 30 minutes (i.e. 15 minutes per round), then we should be able to finish 3 in 45 minutes. Right? That fact was hotly debated and then immediately proven wrong. Man, this new math is hard. The problem must have been those time wasters in the beginning.
- The form stabilizer exercises really slowed a few PAX down. I’m not exactly sure why. Isn’t that how we’re always supposed to do squats and merkins? I don’t see the issue.
- Although the audio evidence has yet to surface, there were rumors of overheard conversations relating to Thistle counting and/or only pretending to do exercises (and not counting) while the Q was in earshot and then leaving the station shortly after he did.
- Please submit all doctor’s notes for exercise modifications to www.whatthefdoesmodifyasnecessarymean.com
- One of these days, I’m going to develop a beatdown that VG will not attempt to hack. “Just do the damn workout”.
- We’re going to go with 1.8 miles for the workout. Who knows? That could be completely made up, but let’s just go with it.
- Catching bits and pieces of the middle of a conversation leads to some great comedy. For some reason, Crash is planning to hold up the Dunkin Donuts to get 12 coffees and a strawberry muffin. That’s the extent of the information I have.
- If Boo Boo can magically appear in the middle of a workout, what other powers does he have? Also, why is he wasting this sorcery on a couple of sweaty dudes in a gloomy parking lot at a dumb hour of the morning?
- Pony and Boomhauer lived up to their HCs from Mayhem yesterday and then proceeded to do whatever the hell they felt like for the next 45 minutes.
- Since these backblasts are not yet on the Deep Web, I cannot morally type some of the things that TO and Huck said to me during the workout. I will work through that language with a licensed counselor. I can’t wait to get that F3 discount with FrankandBeans. He’s found a gold mine here.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
- GreeNest
- Post Hole has UA (FNGs)
- OGs and Tractors will be going to Reynolda Gardens
PRAYERS:
- Aging parents and grandparents.
- Grandponies.
- TO’s friend.
- BAM and Drano are running up a mountain.
Zima Out.
