Pure Dumb F**king Luck

Pure Dumb F**king Luck

QIC: Zima

Date: 10/10/24

PAX: Cherry Pie, Pollster, Rollback, Cruiser, Tarheel, Zima

TIME WASTERS.

We started doing them, but apparently we were disturbing Cherry Pie’s carefully crafted morning, so we moved on.

BEATDOWN.

Each round:

1. 1. At the start point, do 5 No Cheat Burpees with a Clap.
   2. Mosey to your rock.
      • If you pass a station without your rock do:
        • 5 Mary Katherines
        • 10 Elbow Spider Planks
        • 15 Mike Tysons
   3. At your rock, do 5 Curl Press Rockees.
   4. Rifle Mosey your rock to the next corner.
   5. Do 5 Curl Press Rockees.
   6. Leave your rock and Mosey back to the start point.
      • If you pass a corner without your rock do:
        • 5 Mary Katherines
        • 10 Elbow Spider Planks
        • 15 Mike Tysons
   7. Repeat until your rock has made it all of the way to the top of the hill.

DONE.

NMM.

• The second time is certainly not a charm.  Ask Cruiser.  Despite modifying this beatdown from its original CSAUP form, it still royally sucked.  And that’s not just because Cherry Pie was there.  Although it certainly didn’t help.
• By the Q’s count, we got in 180 Mike Tyson, which meant we hit about 12 of those pesky stations without our rock.  Bullocks!
• Once we finished bothering Cherry Pie with our super important warm up exercises, we moseyed over to the start point where 6 rocks were strategically laid out ready for the PAX’s choosing.  The group was astounded that there were exactly 6 rocks and 6 PAX.  How the F did the Q do that?  What kind of sorcery did he use to magically know the correct number?  The Q’s lips were sealed however, not wanting to reveal his treasured secrets.  That would be the last time the Q impressed anybody.  Ever.
• On a related note, before the beatdown, the Q set out a few carefully chosen rocks (so as not to waste precious workout time).  By pure dumb f**king luck, he chose 6 rocks, guessing that would be the absolute max number of PAX that would post.  Voila!
• Shortly after posting my preblast last night, my phone began blowing up with messages.  The usual suspects who attend my beatdowns, especially the repeat customers from the original CSAUP, were dropping like flies.  Trust me, I get it.  Smart move.
• Cherry Pie started running his mouth digitally over Slack last night and it continued in person all throughout the beatdown.  That’s not a shocking statement.  I just felt the need to put it in writing.
• The group mostly stayed together all morning.  That was fantastic, except for one tiny flaw – we had to listen to Cherry Pie jibber jabber for 45 freaking minutes.  Ugh.
• But let’s stop picking on the mentally challenged CP and turn to either the dumbest, craziest, or toughest guy out there – Cruiser.  The other dudes could kind of sort of pretend to claim they didn’t know what was coming.  Cruiser, on the other hand, suffered through the brutally long CSAUP version a few months ago and knowingly returned.  I don’t know whether to worship him or commit him to an asylum.  Either way, in his usual fashion, he unlocked the cheat code and dominated.
• Pollster was eerily silent, except for trying to make an excuse about only being a runner.  I don’t buy it, dude.  That was some weak election interference dung because he was with the group the whole time.  I’d hate to see how far ahead he would have been if he considers himself a bootcamper.
• Speaking of running, Tarheel had no faith in Zima’s ability to provide a sufficient beatdown so he EC’ed up and down the never-to-be-finished Meadowlark multi-use path.  In fairness, he was probably correct since he didn’t seem to suffer one tiny bit.  <insert joke about the Wake/State game>
• Rollback, feigning ignorance on the exercise names, proved that prior knowledge does not determine post success.  While he claims he didn’t know what any of the exercises were, he was up to his normal tricks at the front of the pack, not uttering a single complaint.  Although he may never do another Mike Tyson again, he knocked them out like a champ (see what I did there?).  He’s the kind of guy who looks at a beatdown and immediately says, “Can we double it?”  Just insane man, insane.
• YHC wanted to quit the workout – because, uh time was running out … yeah that’s why – but the PAX mutinied and demanded we do the last set of rockees.  Let me be clear.  In the decade that I’ve been involved in the F3 multiverse, NEVER once have I been reverse mutinied.  Damn that was a weird feeling.  I’m not sure how I feel about it.
• Rock sizes might have differed slightly, but level of effort did not.  Solid, solid, solid group of HIMs physically and mentally working their butts off.  My puppy was quite impressed when I told him all about the team on our morning walk.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

• November 17: The Muddy Creek Backyard Ultra, presented by The Speakeasy.  It’s a last man standing event.  What is a backyard ultra?

PRAYERS:

• Pollster, his M, and 2.0 on the way
• Western NC
• Florida

Zima Out.