The 12 Pains of Christmas, Presented by The Grinch (2024)

The 12 Pains of Christmas, Presented by The Grinch (2024)

QIC: Zima

Date: 12/17/24

PAX: Pro Reindeer (3 years): Van Gogh, Spicoli, Zima
Returning Reindeer (2 years): Lamb Chop, Madoff, Cruiser, Bevo, Wobegon
Free Trial Reindeer (1 year): Crash, Greenspan, Palin

Perhaps to make up for a massive Q fail (more on that later), The Grinch bestowed unseasonably warm temperatures on Whoville this morning.  Foggy and low 50s is about the best Santa could ask for in mid-December.

BEATDOWN.

The Grinch doesn’t do things the normal Christmas-y way, so we’re going to reverse that holly jolly song.  In The 12 Pains of Christmas, the order is: 12, then 12 + 11, the 12 + 11 + 10 etc.  Here are the exercises.

12: Hundred Feet of Sleigh Riding [Mosey]

11: Christmas Present Cutters [Box Cutters]

10: Diamond Earring Burpees [You know, diamond earrings.  The gift you’re “supposed” to get your wife.]

9: Hillbilly Toy Soldier Squats

8: Shoulder Tap Merry Mike Tysons [Merry is the word that comes to mind when you think of him, right?]

7: Dreidel Squats [Ratchet Squats – DC]

6: Rudolphs [Red Nose Tap Hand Release Merkins] Note: If anyone can figure out how to tap your nose without releasing your hands, I’d like to know.  Wait, on second thought, DON’T tell me.  Nevermind.

5: Grinch Getups [Prisoner Getups]

4: Rooftop Hopping Dominick the Christmas Donkey Kicks [Donkey Kicks with a Stand Up Side-to-Side Jump]

3: Super “North” Stars [Mary Katherines – DC]

2: Plank Jack “Frost” WMDs

1: Hundred Christmas Truces [WWIs]

DONE.

MUSIC SELECTION

• We’ll just say that most of the songs could qualify as Christmas music.

• Same beatdown = same playlist.  Much loved, as usual.  A certain creepy mustachioed gentlemen who specifically requested the playlist apparently decided against posting (or maybe is still navigating around the detour on 421).

NMM:

• The Q forgot to check the NCDOT travel advisory page before departing on his journey this morning.  Since YHC does not leave the hermitage very often, venturing out in public is a rare occurrence so the closing of a big city highway exit caused a major disruption in travel time.  Unfortunately, it caused his Qness to arrive well after acceptable Spicoli time.  MAJOR apologies.  The Q owns the mistake and accepts full responsibility.
• Do Slack Direct Message or text message HC’s count as official?  Just checking on how many burpees are owed.
• Another big Q fail was not properly explaining and/or demonstrating the exercises.  Many of the reindeer “chose their own adventure” when it came to interpreting how to perform an exercise.
• Judging by the size of Lamb Chop’s diamonds, his wife is a very lucky lady.  I wonder if there’s any correlation with the new HVAC system that I just had installed by Sutton Brothers?
• My guess is that Cruiser is trying to hit all of the Christmas-themed beatdowns this week.  Preblast that it’ll be difficult and have something to do with the holidays and he’ll be there.
• VG will be granted a temporary name change for the day to Rudolph.  When the Q did not arrive at the specified time, he jumped into action and led the reindeer on a foggy morning.  Does reddish hair equate to a red nose?
• Still nobody has entirely completed the beatdown!  But Spicoli and Lamb Chop gave it their best shot this year.  I don’t know exactly how far they made it, but I know they were multiple full rounds ahead of the other reindeer.  It was a valiant effort, young lads.
• Did the Q mention that he’s very very embarrassed at arriving late?  UGH!
• It was a true joy to workout this morning with some of my buddies who I don’t get to see very often anymore.  I just wish we had more time for the 2nd F.
• Bevo’s form is impeccable.  We all need to take lessons.
• Crash seems to have that creepy Drip complex.  The harder the beatdown, the more he smiles.  It’s just weird.  And this is a guy who just crushed a half marathon.
• YHC stayed far away from Madoff.  After the blistering pace he set for the Mistletoe, YHC didn’t want to try to hang with him again.
• Wobegon is a silent sufferer.  He definitely knew what he was getting into and chose to endure the suckfest anyway.  Well done.
• As a surprise to even the Q, we had a 13th pain for this year’s edition.  Palin posted.  And Palin did as Palin does … the motor kept grinding.  Exercises?  Oh, I have no idea about that.  He just talked throughout the entire workout.  He went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
• This backblast was not written by Greenspan.  This backblast was not written by AI.  But is Greenspan really an AI overlord.  Here me out.  You can prompt both of them to do what you want them to do (i.e. do 10 burpees).  Neither of them ever get tired.  You can make them do hard things and they are immediately ready for more.  Plus, they both can have hallucinations (too soon?).  Yup, that proves it.  He’s not real.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

• Spicoli has Flatline next week.  Check traffic advisories before making your travel plans!
• Greenspan is your Q at Conspiracy tomorrow.
• Wobegon promises questionable Christmas music at Urban Assault on Friday.

PRAYERS:

• Trickle and Ross Ogburn’s family
• Bill Lawler’s family.

Zima Out.