Body by Jake

Body by Jake

QIC: Zima

Date: 4/27/22

PAX: Burlap, Drip, High Cotton, The H.O.G., Prada, Red Baron, FNG Robocall, Sgt Schultz, Sour Mash, Splash, Subfloor, Workbench, Van Gogh, Zima (Q)

WARMARAMA. SSH, Michael Phelps, Whirlies, IST, Burpees

THE BEATDOWN.

Escalator Down (pop off the top exercise after each round)

Mountain Climbers ……..……. 64

Heels to Heaven …………..….. 56

Squats ………………………….….. 48

WWIIs ………………………….….. 40

Merkins …………………………… 32

Tri Press – OH Press – Curl … 24

Jump Over Rock ..…………….. 16

Burpees …………………………….. 8

Run up the Hill to Nowhere – do 5 burpees –  and come down.

DONE.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

• Splash has the Mayhem Q next week.  You will either learn about some really specific science topic that only certified geniuses understand or listen to Cyndi Lauper.  There is no middle ground.  Relax.
• Burlap has OG/Tractors and Purgatory.
• CSAUP Sunday is back.  Pay attention to the CSAUP Slack channel for more details.

RANDOM THOUGHTS BY ZIMA:

• OK, I’m going to admit, 24 reps of the Tri Press – OH Press – Curl combo was wildly excessive and wholly unnecessary.  Pure brutality.  There, I said it.  That needs to be changed for any and all future iterations of the workout.  Case closed.
• If you didn’t like your rock (the shape, the weight, the size, the color, the grip, the density, the wasps), blame Van Gogh.  He picked them out.
• Everybody got through at least 3 full rounds.  Many were on their 4th when the Q cried “mercy” and ended the beatdown.
• Workbench is so dedicated to his workouts that flying insects don’t faze him.  Let it be known that YHC was so slow that I regularly completed the exercises behind the dude that was being attacked by wasps.
• Stop me if you’ve heard this before.  The H.O.G. was out front, easily breezing through the workout.
• What was in Burlap’s Wheaties this morning?  That man was en fuego!  Have you been taking that supplement, Nugenix Total-T, pedaled by Frank Thomas and Doug Flutie.  We all aspire to be like you when we’re too old to count our age too.
• The H.O.G. was playing a dangerous game this morning by taunting the beast known as Red Baron.  Unfortunately those two were so far ahead of the rest of the group, we don’t know what they were plotting up and down the hill.  It might have been something along the lines of, “Hey, if we completely discard the rocks, we can go even faster through the exercises.”  I don’t know, that’s just a guess though.
• From the top of the Hill to Nowhere, we could almost see into Hansel’s bedroom window.  He seemed to be sleeping soundly in his warm bed.
• Van Gogh is a mad man.  After pre-gaming with a Murph, the dude pissed off a hornet just to add an extra challenge to the workout.  That’s hashtag Insane.
• I didn’t hear much from Prada today.  And he wisely didn’t make too much eye contact with the Q.  Plus, he was pretty far ahead of me, so the best that I can assume is that he had loads of fun.
• FNG Robocall wanted to know if he’d be jacked by the end of the workout.  We told him that he’d look like Drip.  #LifeGoals  That was awkward as he was unsure of how to react.
• Speaking of Drip … Is there anyone on the planet who does not enjoy working out with him?  Has a workout ever not been immediately improved when he shows up?  Yada yada smile on his face.  Yada yada powered through pain, sickness, injury, blah blah blah.  Beep, beep, beep … set bionic knee to dominate … GO!
• Subfloor had a serious problem with his rock.  They had a messy split (see what I did there?).
• One comment that was overhead … “At least we have time on our side.”  I can only imagine that meant that the leaky member of the PAX who uttered it was in such a euphoric state that the construct of time was irrelevant and he wanted to fully complete the beatdown.  Later comments by that HIM on the Hill to Nowhere should not be typed in a publicly visible backblast.
• Sgt. Schultz and Sour Mash chose Side B of the cardboard (which I guess not everyone saw) and walked on the Greenway instead of stupidly lifting rocks.
• High Cotton likes to display his collection of local law firm t-shirts in certain target-rich environments.  Is he going to sue me for typing that?  Does it matter?  Does he even read backblasts or are those considered social media too?  Or maybe he “leaves” the backblast early and doesn’t read until the end.  (I crack myself up)
• The Q didn’t comment even one time on Splash’s form.  Or did I?  No, I don’t think so.  Maybe?  It seems unlikely though, doesn’t it?  It would have been hard though because he was usually off running in the far distance while I was still struggling through the exercises.
• For EVERY SINGLE round, YHC was the six!  What an amazing group this morning.

FNG:

• Jake was EH’d by Drip, who works with his wife.  We’re still unsure of Drip’s sales pitch, but Jake fit right in.  He was in the army for 17 years as infantry and then a logistics officer.  At Hanes Corp, he ran their credit card program.  He also sells “crap that fell off the back of a truck” on Amazon.  His ultimate goal is to start a personal privacy business.  Many lame names were thrown out since no creative PAX posted.  He was eventually unenthusiastically named, but it wasn’t any good so the Q used his veto power and changed it.  Welcome Robocall.

PRAYERS:

• The young lady in Schultz’s unit suffering from a disease while her husband is stationed abroad.
• Root Canal.

The H.O.G. expertly took us out.

Workbench, I threw the keys into the rock pile.  Beware of the murder hornets when you go in there to retrieve them.

Zima out.