Gamblers Anonymous

Gamblers Anonymous

QIC: Zima

Date: 2/27/18

PAX: THE Pony Express, Geppetto (WB), Drama Queen (WD), Offsides, Jiminy, Goofy, Shake and Bake, Schneider, The Singing Cowboy, Tuco, Boomerang, Van Gogh, Wobegon, Fingers, Sour Mash, Zima (QIC)

Gamblers Anonymous

When: 2/27/18

QIC: Zima

The PAX: THE Pony Express, Geppetto (WB), Drama Queen (WD), Offsides, Jiminy, Goofy, Shake and Bake, Schneider, The Singing Cowboy, Tuco, Boomerang, Van Gogh, Wobegon, Fingers, Sour Mash, Zima (QIC)

Introduction

If I spent just a fraction of the time that I do creating workouts on a finding a new, rewarding job and advancing my career, I think my life would be pretty different.  Oh the possibilities.  But alas, devising innovative ways to torture the PAX is way way more fun.  While the latest idea just popped into my head one random day, the planning of it took a little time.  The prep work wasn’t difficult, but my wife’s reaction last night sums it up.  After we put the tiny monsters to bed, she asked me what I was going to do for the rest of the evening.  I responded that I was going to prep for my Q the next day, to which she turns around, walks away, and mutters, “I’m going to go binge watch The Handmaid’s Tale.”  That’s my life the night before a Q.

So on to the workout.  I don’t know why, but I came up with a crazy idea of devising a dice-based beatdown.  I think it had something to do with creating a workout that couldn’t be blamed on me, but rather the “shooter”.  There’s some real leadership for you, boys.  Deflection is the key.  Oh, and delegation too.  Don’t admit or accept responsibility.  Find a scapegoat.  In this case, there were 15 of them!  Brilliant.  However, the jury is still out on where the blame truly lies for this one.  But anyway, it has been a while since I’ve sipped those free, watered down Rum and Cokes, inhaled the stale smoke-filled air, listened to the dinging of slot machine bells and the emphysema-infused smokers’ coughs, and high fived a bunch of strangers at a $5, cigarette-burned Craps table.  I guess I was getting nostalgic.  I figured that I could base a workout on the complete random fate of the dice and everyone would be super happy about it and praise my workout creation skills.  That was the plan anyway.

As the Kenny Rogers serenaded us with the sage advice from The Gambler, our workout began.

Warm-o-rama

• SSH
• Abe Vigodas
• Whirly’s Clap

The Beatdown

There were 12 stations laid out in a circle-ish pattern (we needed a slight extension to the circle to get to the picnic tables).  At each station, there were two exercises.  Each exercise had a multiplier associated with it.  To start, each person randomly went to a different station.

First Station

Hand Release Clap Mike Tysons x2

LBCs x4

Second Station

Carolina Dry Docks x3

Low Flutter x3

Third Station

Hand Release Merkins x3

In and Outs x3

Fourth Station

Box Jumps x2

Box Cutters x3

Fifth Station

Monkey Humpers x4

Low Dolly x3

Sixth Station

Tricep Extensions x2

Plank Jacks x3

Seventh Station

Bicep Curls x3

Heels to Heaven x3

Eighth Station

Squats x4

Elbow Spider Planks x3

Ninth Station

Merkins x4

WWIIs x4

Tenth Station

Mountain Climbers x3

American Hammers x3

Eleventh Station

Dips x4

Penguin Crunches x3

Twelfth Station

Overhead Presses x3

Rosalitas x3

One member of the PAX would be the “shooter” and roll the dice.  Then he would choose which die was for the sets and which was for the reps.  For example, if a 2 and 5 were rolled, then we would either do 2 sets of 5 reps or 5 sets of 2 reps.  But, to add a little challenge and attempt to even out the time, a multiplier was added.  I mean, who really wants to only do 5 squats per set?  So instead of 2 sets of 5 reps, it would be 2 sets of 5 times the multiplier.  Since the Merkins multiplier was a 4 then it was 2 sets of 5×4 = 20 reps.  Get it?  Plank for the SIX when done.

When everyone was finished, the shooter would throw the dice again to determine the next station.  The number corresponded to how many stations to move forward in a clockwise direction.  For example, a 3 and 2 means you move 5 stations ahead.  Our modes of transportation were Bear Crawls on the even numbers and Lunge Walk on the odds.

It probably would have been fine if I had stopped there, but simplicity (or brevity) is not really my style.  So, just like Craps, I had to add more confusing rules.  If any Craps were thrown (Snake Eyes – 2, Acey Deucey – 3, Boxcars – 12), we were supposed to Broad Jump Burpee ahead that many stations.  If 7 or Yo 11 were thrown, we would go to the middle and do 7 or 11 extra Burpees after completing the exercises.  And finally, if a Hard Way was thrown (Little Joe – 2s, 3s, 4s, Woman’s best friend – 5s), we incorporated that many Burpees between sets.

Yup.  Easy.  What could possibly go wrong?

I think we ended up doing about 7 of the stations by the end.

Closing Time (No time for Mary):

• Phew.

The dice got cold.  We rolled a 7 out.  Bank rolls were tapped.  No more Craps.  Time to head to the nickel slots to gamble away our Social Security checks.

Q Fails:

• I definitely underestimated the complexity of the workout.  Because I spent the time to devise, refine, test run, refine more, and agonize over it, the whole thing made a lot of sense to me.  Explaining it to 15 other people who hadn’t previously seen it in about 12 seconds time at 5:36 in the morning in 33 degree weather was not the challenge I was prepared for.  #Epicfail on the complexity, explanation, and execution.
• It was also somewhat easier than I intended, so I truly apologize to anyone expecting something a bit more challenging.
• Because of the confusion and the high number of reps (blame the dice), not everyone got to perform every exercise.  Next time, we’ll do this at a Saturday, hour long workout.
• I may have let some of the Craps and Hard Ways slide by without mentioning the rule in the beginning in order to get us moving.  The glazed over eyes and blank stares of confusion were quite evident.

Today’s Q’s Random Musings:

• I’m starting to develop a complex.  It is becoming an alarming pattern that the Site Qs are noticeably absent during my beatdowns.  Is there something I should know?
• At least Thistle will be present for my WIB Q on Thursday … oh wait, no he won’t.  He has already proactively declined to show up.  Something fishy is going on.
• Somehow I lost the dice when I was cleaning up the workout aides this morning.  Lost?  Perhaps.  Misplaced?  Maybe.  Although I suspect that one of the more nefarious PAX might have Aaron Rodgers’ed those puppies into the woods when I was distracted to prevent future recurrences of this workout.  You know what I say?  “No dice, buddy. (See what I did there?)  That’s what Amazon Prime shipping is for!”
• Judging by the blazing speed that Sour Mash was doing Overhead Presses, the multiplier should have been about 10.  That dude made the cinder block his bitch.
• Tuco has, by far and away, the best Burpee form ever.
• The creativity of the beatdown outweighed the physical challenge factor of it.  A preblast explanation of it might have helped.
• Geppetto was complaining a lot, but a) I wasn’t listening, and b) I just turned up the music.
• I think Goofy might still be trying to figure out what the numbers meant.  This backblast may or may not help.
• DQ got his underground gambling games confused and was asking about Monopoly cards.
• Nobody is taking Fingers to Vegas anytime soon.
• I have witnesses.  This is true.  Pony got bored with the exercises and actually asked if we could do some running!
• Rumor has it that there were a few Teacher’s Pets out jogging before the workout, but they couldn’t stay for the scheduled beatdown.  This begs the question that does it still count as extra credit if the actual assignment isn’t completed?  #Deepthoughts.
• The formatting in WordPress is AWFUL, ATROCIOUS, HORRENDOUS!  Can we please get a new website platform!?!?!?!

Announcements:

• One year anniversary at The Distillery on Thursday.
• Zima has the Q for WIB on Thursday.
• Schneider is the new Site Q for BBBC.  Needs Qs.  Route must be in Clemmons and be between 2.5 and 4 miles.  Is #F3Clemmons going to secede from #F3Winston-Salem?
• Van Gelding has the Q for Urban Assault on Friday.  I think that’s the bastard love child of co-Qs Van Gogh and Gelding (VQ).  Launch spot will be Bailey Park, NOT the First Pres parking lot.  Good luck with that, guys.  I’m sure that nobody will show up at First Pres.
• Check out Fokker’s super secret special F3-only invitation.  Do not tweet or retweet.  Go ahead and post on the website though.  Only the North Koreans read that.  Just kidding Van Gogh.

Prayers:

• Van Gogh’s sister / Torque’s wife is due to have her baby soon.
• All of Geppetto’s friends who are eating Tide Pods.
• Fingers VERY artfully and gracefully took us out.

Schultzie, since we were at an elementary school and none of the kids can drive (hopefully), I left the big plastic key ring in the tricycle parking lot.

Zima out.